Defense

It's very difficult not to jump to conclusions, not to construct fantasies based upon the flimsiest bits of information. Information which due to inevitable errors of interpretation might be regarded as barley information at all. Coiled ropes can indeed look like snakes. And I am not just thinking of fears here but also cravings. Attachment and aversion are flip sides.

One of my self defense mechanisms, my armour, which I am trying to soften away is what a friend once called 'ball home'. It's a classic I guess though the also classic 'I am special' armour would click in and try to persuade me that in my case there is a unique edge to it. Yer, yer, the other one's got bells on... 'Ball home' goes like this - I don't think I like the look of what you lot might want to do and how I think that will make you feel about me and thus me feel about me so I am off'. Which sends out the I don't think much of you lot message before anything gets a chance to go pear shaped. Except of course by that stage it is pear shaped. This arms length protection which I guess came from some genuine though no doubt not meant hurt caused to that sensitive tot has probably caused me more pain over the years than the wounds it was designed to protect against. Then again, who knows? And what other defense mechanisms would have sprung up as alternatives? Watching out for use of armour, checking the perceived danger, rooting out the attachments and sense of lack, relaxing and then trying to remember to feel the pain of others that might be making me reach for the amour is not easy. And of course sometimes I might well be under attack and defense will be required and skillful methods will be needed to deflect the arrows. Trouble is it's hard to see the ropes and the snakes.