Saturday 23 January 2010


I read Jade Mountains, and liked the poem in this post. Together with the Eckhart Tolle I've been listening to, it reminds me of the distinction between I and me; the experiencer and the experienced.

I (or rather me, my ego self) is trying to find what I want to do with my life these days. What do I enjoy, what work should I look for, how do I find a group to connect with in some shared purpose? I feel a strong need to be creative. I can't just sit and watch.

I am about to start some volunteer work. That should help.

Friday 15 January 2010

Mandelbrot set

DC and I watched a program about chaos and fractals last night. Self similar properties and feedback based upon recursion are to be seen everywhere in the natural world; simple feedback generating complex (chaotic) results. The Mandelbrot set, which has apparently been described as the thumbprint of God is a famous fractal. This theory seems to show how land, cells, plants etc evolve into the forms we see. And as I was reading about how we send out signals to life about what we want and so attract the same, or to put it an other way I suppose you could say we find that for which we look, it occurred to me that our world view and life are a feedback loop. Nothing new in that; angry people get in to fights and thus get more angry for example. But consider chaos theory and we see how the feedback loop generates much more complex situations... And is this not our state of consciousness, our life, self similar recursion? The Mandelbrot set might not just be a way of looking at forms in the natural world, it might show how the seeds of our karma generate the world we call our life... Now that puts an even more interesting spin on the thumbprint of God. I suppose I am musing on the expansion of forms out of the void. Not just from a material world view but maybe from a mind only school view.

I am a bit too tried to expand on this, but you get the gist.

Wednesday 13 January 2010

Wild Love

DC and I saw the movie 'Sex and drugs and rock and roll' about Ian Dury, last weekend. Fantastic! Dury's 'I am not here to be f***ing remembered I am here to live!' a shout to us all!
Dury did not have an 'easy' life. Rediscovering the music I bought a few tracks over the net for my MP3 player. Such energy.

Walking over the town moor the other day, I noticed a sucking sound and turned to see a whirl pool vortex sucking in air where the lake formed by snow melt water was being drained through a pipe under the path to the other side of the path. This drainage arrangement was put in a few years ago and makes the path much more usable. Anyway, I rolled a snowball and threw it into the vortex. Good shot. The sucking stopped then as the ball rolled out started again. The ball circled the vortex before being sucked in and down... Like Alice in wonderland I thought and looked to the other end of the pipe... would it come out? Pop, there it was. Were we now in wonderland, samsara transformed?... Buurr, too cold for this... enough poetic day dreaming, time to walk on, a warm home beckoned.

Just finished reading Wild Love by Gill Edwards. I enjoyed it. Some parts I found not quite in tune with my thinking/feeling but much of it is. I particularly like her exploration of the difference as she sees it between co-dependant merging v connection with Oneness and separation v individuation. Much along the lines of my own thoughts all that.

And on the subject of merging into the collective verses individuation and the path to awakening, I note the writers of Star Trek Voyager explore this with the Borg. In a repeat episode we watched recently, Seven of Nine is severed from the Borg collective and her human body starts to regenerate but she still thinks as Borg and can't bear the pain of separation and longs to be reconnected. She can only hear her own mind and longs to hear the others again. The Borg assimilate; no room for individuation, no harmony of difference in unity. This is co-dependant merging, but Seven of Nine is 'liberated' and must face the illusion of her isolation. She must take up the challenge of discovering her identity and connection to not just the Borg but to the universe. Quite a challenge that! Time passes, as it appears to, and she settles down to become to use those school report terms, a useful member of the team... Which is to say, assimilated into the American way...

Dealing with our pains and accepting what is while remaining open to the joy of life is no simple challenge. It is unconditional love for each and every aspect of our experience not a stoic knuckling down. It requires an infinite expansion of consciousness, there is always more 'work' to do to see that we are perfect as we are. No wonder it sometimes feels like Alice in Wonderland! Hit me with your rhythm stick!

Which is NOT to say party on without a care but care to and as we party on.

Wednesday 6 January 2010


Frosty the snowman still stands and now wears a new snow coat! This is like proper winter. It is not a 'big freeze' as some would have it; I recall when this was just winter weather.

Although I am still sitting with what the next stage in my life should be, what it is that might make me feel enthused, purposeful and joyful, it is nice to be free to enjoy the weather without the battle to and from work. Yesterday I went to see friends who live 'in the country' and had a lovely time walking in the snow enjoying good company. There was a bit of adventure with the car as well; it nearly got stranded in a ford and then almost had to be abandoned in the snow! But faint heart... and all that... and so car and I did get safely back home.

Just seen a documentary about dogs on TV; it seems they think more like us than chimps. The program asked; what is the special bond between man and dog? And although not described in the following terms, the answer might be said to be that we seem to be able to see into each others Buddha nature; unconditional love. I think it's when two beings have an enough shared form, ie similarities or understanding, that a window opens to make it easier to connect with our (true) nature. Form's need to hold both separation and unity at once drives us to connect, to hold lightly our manifestation of Source. Not separation but individuation. And this holds I think in all our relationships... Interestingly, dogs seem to have been bred by taking from the less aggressive wolves in a pack; those exhibiting more juvenile tendencies. Might this be seen as those with less ego? Most spiritual traditions regard the innocence of childhood as close to Source.

And tomorrow I must go shopping, I forgot get salt, crackers and cheese today. Oh, and I notice a should statement above; that inner critic eh?

Friday 1 January 2010


We made a snowman today!

Patting him...

Oops, I look a bit strange in this one!

Drying out after...
Thankfully we are a bit more permanent than frosty the snowman, even though all passes!
May the new year bring peace and joy!