Beloved

Last weekend we had some friends round for dinner. A great night was had by all. They brought with them a Christmas present - we've not had the chance to meet up since before the festive period. The present is a framed photo of DC and me and I was quite moved by it. It's a photo from about maybe ten years ago and we're in the kitchen of our friends' house, DC is behind and slightly to the side of me with his arms around me. His face is just beautiful and to me says along with his whole body language just how much he loves me. I'm moved by the way he holds me in love without clinging or possessing; he's just so pleased that we are we. When I saw this photo I felt immediately blessed that we are still together after almost 24 years, and that he remains a brilliant light in my life.

New Year Celebration

DC and I spent new year in Wales with Loving Men. The group was about 90 gay men in number and the warmth and connection just lovely! We both had a wonderful time; a mixture of meeting and connecting, care and consideration, fun and laughter and exercise for body and spirit (I kept my mind reasonably quiet!) all in a great location with lovely vegetarian food. I found the time thoroughly nourishing and a great way to enter 2016! There were moving moments and the wonderful energy of connection and sharing in the depth of human experience both difficult and joyous.

What is it that wants to happen?

There has been a lot of toing and froing between Scotland and Newcastle for me of late and various job interviews. One such led to an offer of employment. But the offer was to go back into a design office with a very unhealthy set up. No thankyou. The process has confirmed for me my desire to stay related to the industry but not under crazy conditions. Truly looking at what one wants and facing the consequences can be both painfully difficult and liberating. The thing with desire is not I believe, so much that it is a 'bad' thing so much as truly looking into the desire to see what it is about at a deeper level is scary. This is not clinging to the surface features of desire but listening to its depths. Yet this deeper calling is what gives life its meaning and purpose. It may or may not bring happiness but it will if given sufficient time and energy bring an honest expression to life. This expression is I believe the very reason for our coming out of unity, out of the void. And, it is by looking into the depths of desire not just the surface that we might find our way back to unity and to a peace within the midst of the storm. Such looking and listening, sitting with what is emerging and acting from the deepest gut is in my experience often clouded by a whole range of thoughts and emotions. Which of the panoply of these stories and sensations is the deep gut, the heart mind? That is the question I ask in challenging conditions. Or put another way, what is it that needs to happen? It was tricky sitting with the panoply arising in the job chase of late but I am now sure I made the right decisions.

Recently a friend sent me a link to the revolverheld unzertrennlich music video. There can't be a gay man (particularly of my generation) who isn't touched by this video. The beauty of the video is I would suggest, in the acknowledgment of the (deeper) desire for unity, in the response of the heart mind. As ever, our humanity is in form's expression of emptiness. This is desire's true meaning and purpose. It will not always bring the surface fun, joy and excitement shown in the video but it gives body to the life we lead and life to the body we live it with. It is not so much work to live verses live to work as living the work of one's life.

Poppies

I was struck by the vibrancy of the poppies shown here. The display 'pulled me up sharp' as I suddenly saw it before me.

Red

I was washing some things by hand this morning and as the sun shone in through the window it illuminated this deep Red. 'Wow, what is it?' I thought. Followed by, 'Don't think, be'. I noticed some sense of a Red seen long ago, some essential RED, vibrant, fun and joyous, somehow full of promise. A vague recollection of, of what? Childhood? I dashed for my phone to take a picture. The sun had faded a bit by the time I got back but here is the picture.

Under water the colours are bright and rich. Above water the light is reflected and the Red is replaced by White. The contrast of other colours lends vibrancy to the Red. Stripes add playfulness.  :)

Rising up

It's been some time since my last post. Stuff comes up and passes. At one time I thought to write about letting things go and not clinging; just 'put it down'. But the impetus to blog passed too!


At the end of last month Dave C and I had an impromptu trip to NY in the USA. Skyscrapers certainly show the capability of man's ego - both good and not so good. The view from 'The Top of The Rock' is sublime. And for me the little bit of 'nature' in the form of a tree in this photo is a welcome bit of the wider world in a very man made place. Note too the sign: 'No Standing Anytime'; yep, we all keep moving. Moving right through the stillness.

Rockefeller Center NY, USA

This morning I see news from my friend RM Mugo:

http://fieldofmerit.org/ 

working with Rev Alicia, RM Mugo is laying the foundation / sowing the seeds of a great new venture. I have every confidence that small, starting shoots will grow. Things come and go but they also sustain.

Sustain:

from Wiktionary;

Verb

sustain (third-person singular simple present sustains, present participle sustaining, simple past and past participle sustained)

1. (transitive) To maintain (something), or keep it in existence.
2. (transitive) To provide for or nourish (something).
3. (transitive) To encourage (something).
4. (transitive) To experience or suffer (an injury, etc.).
5. (transitive) To confirm, prove, or corroborate (something).

A blessing on this new venture.

Joy

Frosty the snowman still stands and now wears a new snow coat! This is like proper winter. It is not a 'big freeze' as some would have it; I recall when this was just winter weather.

Although I am still sitting with what the next stage in my life should be, what it is that might make me feel enthused, purposeful and joyful, it is nice to be free to enjoy the weather without the battle to and from work. Yesterday I went to see friends who live 'in the country' and had a lovely time walking in the snow enjoying good company. There was a bit of adventure with the car as well; it nearly got stranded in a ford and then almost had to be abandoned in the snow! But faint heart... and all that... and so car and I did get safely back home.

Just seen a documentary about dogs on TV; it seems they think more like us than chimps. The program asked; what is the special bond between man and dog? And although not described in the following terms, the answer might be said to be that we seem to be able to see into each others Buddha nature; unconditional love. I think it's when two beings have an enough shared form, ie similarities or understanding, that a window opens to make it easier to connect with our (true) nature. Form's need to hold both separation and unity at once drives us to connect, to hold lightly our manifestation of Source. Not separation but individuation. And this holds I think in all our relationships... Interestingly, dogs seem to have been bred by taking from the less aggressive wolves in a pack; those exhibiting more juvenile tendencies. Might this be seen as those with less ego? Most spiritual traditions regard the innocence of childhood as close to Source.

And tomorrow I must go shopping, I forgot get salt, crackers and cheese today. Oh, and I notice a should statement above; that inner critic eh?

Snow

We made a snowman today!

Patting him...

Oops, I look a bit strange in this one!

Drying out after...

Thankfully we are a bit more permanent than frosty the snowman, even though all passes!

May the new year bring peace and joy!

Robin

DC and I had a lovely simple dinner last night with our friends Ann and John at their home.

Ann had bought herself a nifty new notebook computer for work and a lovely new paper notebook as a present for me to take to Findhorn. The gift came with a card:

I wonder if Ann was aware of the symbolism of the Robin; new beginnings, growth, joy, warmth etc. What a lovely start to this period of exploration.

The conversation at table was as ever, fast, wide ranging and generally dynamic. Such fun.

Thank you Ann and John and to DC for an other joy filled evening.

Film

Well, I could write all sorts of stuff about how I feel and the various interactions with people at work and where do I think I am going and blah blah but anyway...

We went to the Star and Shadow cinema this evening and saw Sita Sings the Blues. Follow the link / arrange to see it; it's good.

Festive season

't is the start of the festive season. May you all find peace and light enough to counteract the feelings of 'bah humbug' that the festival of consumer spending can generate. I love Dickens' A Christmas carol. Jacob Marley may have forged a heavy chain but he had the wisdom open his heart and save Scrooge. May we have the wisdom to keep our karma light whatever our religious convictions and the good fortune to share time with others. I am going to try to make a special effort to remember that if and when I get tetchy.

Happy festival of midwinter light.