Choice

I was thinking that I was sitting with thoughts of aversion, doubt and questions about the nature and meaning of the Will. What am I with just now?

Then I notice a picture on the wall. DC got it as a birthday present for me almost ten yeas ago. It is one of a set taken for an article in Gay Times in which I featured along with five other guys. The article was about gay men in the construction industry. Stop right there with the stereotype fantasy! I haven't bought a copy of Gay Times for years now but I dug out the copy of the magazine I'd kept and read the article; people trying to deal as honestly with their life as they can. At some point the heart knows. People trying to square the circle. And of course life squares the circle even if we think we can't; I recall the koan which inspired the title of this blog (Mumonkan, Case 5, Kyogen's 'Man up in a Tree' ). I also note that the campaign to get rid of section 28 is there. I understand that things are much more enlightened in school relationship lessons now than back in the 80's. The position of homosexuals in Britain is so different now to what it was ten years ago. I never fought battles or campaigns for this I just kept living as honestly as I could and it was tricky at times.

The tricky thing about practice I think is not just attention, loosening attachment and breaking free of one's ego shell it's gaining enough wisdom to know what one should do next or rather now. Am I working with attachments / aversion or listening to my inner parent? What is in my heart now?