What is the limit of non-attachment for me? How much of what I want or feel I need is ego and how much is determined by my ability to survive? How much 'I' can be dissolved? And since it is a precious human life I must make the most of it. And what does that mean, ie what should I be doing, how should I be adjusting (is that the right word) my outlook, my feelings? In other words what are the bounds of form for my life. I suppose the question is to meet trouble half way. When I see an issue raised before me I need only try to find the answer using the precepts. What I guess I am doing is seeing a bit of egocentric thinking, extrapolating and trying to find some limits. And that is about control. It is I think one of the hardest habits to loosen. Easy to see why; it gets results, helps keep us safe. I am in human form and the basic instinct is to survive (, followed by the instinct to reproduce though this is some what differently adjusted in my case as a gay man); Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
As ever, I am probably taking a few concerns and projecting them out into all sorts of far reaching possibilities when all I need do is enjoy my good karma and look forward to spending the next couple of weeks in the warm cozy surroundings of home, friends and family. But I no sooner think that than I hear the fear of it all running out being voiced. And what are those concerns? Well, they are complex but basically they relate to my understanding of the Way.
I guess this points to practice and the fear of the 'under toad' (see OCD post). But it is also about attachment and enjoyment. I have a big pile of interesting and worthwhile reading I am hoping to get well stuck into over the next week or so and I am looking forward to being at home in the warmth all cozy etc. I guess that's fine as long as I remember the good fortune of it.
I am mixing up a few ideas in this post, but that seems to be how they are sitting with me, or me with them.
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