Dying Days

The first of the Amaryllis flowers are in their dying days. Death, part of life's unfolding takes forms back to the earth. Perhaps in these spring days we should hold an awareness of winter. Not to such an extent as to waste the time by not being present with what is by worrying about the future or grieving the past, NO. But by being all the more present with the best of what is before it passes. Looking back, I see that too often I have let slip the spring with too much concern for fear of the winter. RM Mugo's post on Jade Mountains reminds us of the power of generosity of spirit . I'd left a comment on a previous post about grief. The passing of the flowers shown above made me recall the posts on Jade Mountains.

Ageing & Growing

The first of the two Amaryllis plants to flower  is starting to age. Still glorious, but time is telling, pertness has given way to a gentle looseness. One bud seems not to have opened. But the plant has a second shoot which is promising... And my friend has said they can stay in my room for a while longer!

The weather today has been wonderful! 22 degrees in the Northeast of Scotland in March! Fantastic. Clear skies and warm air. The birds are still singing outside my open window and it feels like a summer's evening. I noticed the leaves opening on a tree today for the first time this year. Spring is certainly in the air. I wonder, when are we at our peek?

Just Couldn't Resist

I just couldn't resist this photo;

And, 'slightly closer, more from the side dear' she said;

Closer;

What insect could resist such an invitation? Fly in and be one with all that deliciousness in Red... 

(Don't forget to click on the images.) 

Sunday

It is warm and sunny today, Sunday. I've no plans and nothing 'needs' to be done. It's ideal for just hanging out, going for a stroll (rather than a hike) and generally having a 'lazy' Sunday. I notice that I feel a bit sad. I am happy enough on my own but like company. Today feels like a day for sharing but DC is not due here until next week and as things have turned out no other 'play mates' seem to be about. Yet a gentle breeze wafts through the open window to say 'hello' and entice me out in to the sun and then on to the beach. Warm gentle weather seems to invite being rather than doing on such days. Without company it's being with the day, the weather, the environment, my thoughts, feelings and body and the body of the earth... with company it's all that and the energy of an other person. Depending upon the person the areas and depth of intimacy will vary as the interplay of self and other unfolds in the body of the day. Separation and connection, many and one; my experience unfolding in interdependent origination, the paradox of each being separate and the same one.

Time passing

Maintenance Dept. had a short walk on the beach at Findhorn bay today. A haar hung over the bay and out at sea. I recalled from school boy geography something about temperature inversion causing this... In places and for a time the calm waters were iridescent with blues and a wee suggestion of pink... I recalled the background picture of sky and water which is at present set on this blog as I took a photo. The photo fails to capture the light; it was taken just too late from not quite the right spot... ah well.

A second Amaryllis now sits on my windowsill. They belong to my friend who has been away for the past week. He will no doubt want them back in his room when he returns tomorrow and I am going to miss them next week as I've missed him this week. 

Pace

The Amaryllis is looking lovely and today the weather was quite splendid. I was very busy, was 'going too fast'; trying to cram too much in really but all got done and all is well. I love to have 'stuff on', to be busy and making things happen. A good mix of doing and managing today even though I did cram too much in. It is an old habit and one I need to change this 'going too fast'. The point comes when I stop having the day and the day has me! Just before lunch it was clear that some of what I wanted to get done by lunch was going to have to wait until after lunch. 'Time to take it easy for 15 minutes or so, slow down' I told myself. Then I ran to the car to put some stuff in ready for later! I had to see the funny side! The flowers both in the garden and in the house move at their own pace responding to the weather and smile at me in wonder at my dashing about.

Opening by the day

I love the splendid Red of the flowers against the soft yellow of the walls and the background of the window and view beyond. Great to watch the unfurling of these flowers.

Amaryllis Opening

The Amaryllis shown in the previous post is opening. I'll put up pictures to show its unfolding over the days.

Meanwhile I am keeping busy with managing (and doing a bit of practical 'hands on') refurbishment work in Cluny and in The Park. Builders props etc. in the background to the photo...

The Amaryllis, the Geranium and the Daffodil

Looking at the plants on my windowsill and thinking of the names it crossed my mind that the three together sounded like the tile to a children's story.  Through the window can be seen part of a cherry picker. Strange juxtaposition...

Horizons

I am definitely out of the habit of posting here. I find writing takes quite a bit of time, I can often get ideas to come up and gel but getting them into the words of a post whilst not hard is labor intensive. Writing like any creative process is iterative. And my slow four finger typing impedes progress; I am of the generation and background that doesn't touch type. Come to think of it, whilst technically minded (I am after all, a chartered engineer) I fear that the day may come when I need a teenager to help me switch on everyday technology... middle age eh?... Anyway, I am involved in stuff here in the Findhorn Foundation and I notice just how much more energy I have when busy and involved. As the old saying has it 'if you want something doing ask a busy man'. Considering my energy I see that being in my mid forty's has not exactly less energy but a different pace to my younger years. Speaking today with on other gay man I discovered that he too finds that he is much more able to see how he  might relate sexually to women now. We discussed how with less of the intensely driven need for sexual contact with other men, a need very much expressing its self in very yang exchange, space seems to be opening up for some flow of yin energy. How far this might go is uncertain. I wonder how many other gay men come to this space.  It is not greatly talked about as far as I know. Perhaps I should also point out that I was never one of those gay men who preferred the company of women. The only women I liked were feisty and yang. All that said, I was very much aware of the visceral level of my sexuality on Wednesday when attending a performance of BalletBoyz. There is something deeply life affirming for me in seeing beautiful men moving together beautifully. This is part of yet beyond lust. This is a deeper expression of the life force. I wonder- do straight men and for that matter women have a similar contact with this force (not just lust), in viewing dancers of either sex? I suspect not in quite the same way. This is interesting territory, this exchange of yin and yang energy beyond the hormonal drive as the years pass and new horizons open up whilst the old ones pass by. Looking at some of these photos on the BalletBoyz website I see how very sporty and macho the dancers look. What I like about contemporary dance is the access to the life force without the 'perfume' of sport and machismo, so its interesting to see the choreographer play with this energy.