Last day and all that

Friday 25th was my last day at Carillion. I'd enjoyed a fun and love filled leaving meal out on Thursday night and Friday brought a card and generous leaving gift. No bridges were burnt with 'the management' and the time was a strange mix of emotions. What shone out for me was the warmth, the Buddha nature of people radiating through the layers of karmic dust. All viewed of course through my own karmic dust. And if the corporate culture helped foster rather than stifle that then I might have stayed. But the shinning light so evident during my leaving night out and goodbye is being far too heavily obscured by the that culture.

Then in the afternoon a call from my parents needing help. I in turn called upon others and by close of play on Saturday all was just about sorted. And the asking and receiving, the giving and taking as ever brought opportunity for purpose and connection. Yet whilst I felt more warmth in my dealings with those others I asked for help, with my parents I am afraid that I let slip the opportunity for warmth and just felt myself slip into anger at being drawn into a parenting roll just when I needed to withdraw and reflect on the day. And so my inner critic had a great time throwing his weight around in every direction. Complex stuff, too many emotions to deal with at a time. And of course the main 'back ground noise' to daily life at the moment is full of emotion. Having been feeling stuck, motionless, I've loosened the ties and now know not what motion and where it will lead. Hence mixed emotion. You can imagine the raw feeling by bed time. Called my parents this morning; all seems well. But they are tired, they have had too much on their plates over the years. I try to do my best for them.

I feel more relaxed today. I will soon be starting Exploring Community Life (ECL) and after that probably Living in Community as a Guest (LCG). So that's a plan for the next couple of months, after that I don't have a plan.