Towards the end of the week I found out that I did not get either of two jobs for which I'd attended interviews the previous week. All interviews had gone very well; a phone interview then a face to face in each case. Feedback at all stages was very positive yet in the end the permanent job was given to a 'slightly stronger candidate' and the other, a temporary job is now on hold until they work out if they can use existing resource. I was disappointed but this disappointment was tempered by the knowledge that I had a 'gut feeling' that both jobs had some issue / problem around them. So emotionally the task was to feel in to the various options that might arise; one offer, two offers, timing etc. to best be able to make a decision without getting too attached in case the result was no offer. I seem to have managed that for the most part but obviously it's also rather draining. Expanding beyond the wish to have job, relationship and house all in one area, there is the need to make home be where 'I' am and with what is. And as part of that to hold 'I' lightly; not to beat myself up and / or make 'things heavy'. There is no separate 'I'. DC reminded me today as we skyped that this is about more than just 'a job'; it's about the place (or mind set / awareness) which I am in. This is something which I was sitting with when considering the potential of each job and my being back in the Findhorn Foundation holding a number of built environment projects. Added to this consideration at the mental and 'gut' levels were several comments made by people that there is work here for me to do. I was also asked to consider really letting go the fears and attachments; the aspects that drain energy away and to truly responded to what is in front. In this place we must 'eat our rice'. All of it! No shoving it around the plate, no wanting some other rice or ignoring part of it and yet also no thinking that we see the whole plate. This is where the job is - holding and delivering projects in the Findhorn Foundation. Some part of my own process probably fears losing the skill set to 'get things done' out in the commercial world and even without any fearful aspect there is just the difference in sensibility between the two ways of working and living. And DC was making a point not just about holding whatever arises lightly. More than that, his point was that not only do I still have the 'get things done ability', I also have a spiritual awareness. And as DC pointed out, I am at home in both the world of the commercial construction sector and the world of a spiritually focused community. His point was to see the ongoing spiritual deepening in this interplay between purpose (or job), self and home. In a way this is a point about the interplay of being and doing; being the fullest person possible who does what there is to do. That's more than just a job.
RM Mugo points to this being with what is in
this post on Jade Mountain Buddha Hall and the post links to a post on Field Of Merit by Rev Alicia. I suppose both posts in a way point to the creative moment and the liberation of not just tolerance but acceptance. The rice is rather enjoyable then, even if it's not quite what might be otherwise chosen. Although sometimes I find some spoonfuls most unpalatable! That opening paragraph in RM Mugo's post certainly struck a chord with me. And I am not talking about job rejections here. No, sometimes life is very hard. Yet this very difficulty, the very sadness inherent in it, affords the most beautiful meaning to our lives.
At present my job is in the FF and it is here because I've the ability to get things done in the built environment as part of a practical spirituality.
