Refreshed!

Although I find libidinal desire much diminished from those younger days when, in hindsight, it was almost a kind of madness, every now and then I see someone who I find so attractive that I'm reminded once again of just what it is to be gay. It's not so much that they are a turn on, so much as that they are the very raw embodiment of whatever it is that gives rise to the turn on. And in that moment of perceiving there is the visceral understanding of something quite at the root of one's self. Today DC and I saw such a man. We both had the same response; a sort of stunned humorous joy. There was humour in it due to the absurdity, the absurd being the sublime and the everyday colliding together; one needs time to recover and is amused at having been so affected. I mused afterwards that my response to this man's body showed something of the way my attitude towards my own body has changed over the years. In my twenties I was so concerned with my slightness of build that I'd have found this man's musculature intimidating and would have likely been thrown into a bit of a storm of negative emotion. Now, more comfortable in my skin, I'm free to admire and be amused at my response. There's some peace in not being 'dragged about' by one's libedo and there's ammusement at this very enjoyable desire thankfully still residing within us, quite refreshed! How nice to enjoy desire without being overcome by it.