Oops

This photo is the result of a Task Process Relationship exercise I did a while back. The Task was to build a structure to support a marshmallow as high as possible using a limited quantity of spaghetti, sticky tape and string. We were in teams and had six minutes. Of the four teams only two produced a result. We came second. Straight away I could see that it needed a spaghetti tripod and the string and tape would make the joints and could act in tension. The spaghetti was the only material that would work in compression. The thing I missed was bundling the spaghetti to make stronger and longer legs of a single tripod. My thinking went - tripod, make it stand, if time build three and put a forth on top. I asked the others in my team 'any ideas?' They were silent, in truth I'd failed straight away at the Relationship part. I'd judged them as likely to fritter the time away and so I took charge. I should have been a bit slower and given more space for their ideas; we might have come up with  the single multi-stranded leg tripod of the winning team. I could see I was doing it; taking charge and running fast with my initial thoughts and I knew I was being a bit judgmental too, but against the clock and determined to get a reasonably stable support for the marshmallow, insight alone was not enough. This is often the case - insight (to my internal process) alone is not enough (to stop the process). As for the Process in the Task Process Relationship triangle I did not give sufficient time to testing ideas with the others. Then again maybe the time would have just been lost. And, in truth I was not in the best frame of mind when I entered the exercise; I was irritable. I knew that, but again insight alone... It's not that we built a structure or won or lost but that I had an other lesson that I am Task oriented and like the Process to be my way and let my judgement impair the Relationships. Funky structure eh?

Spotty Curtains

Out for a walk to day along the coast with a friend we came across this. Imaginative and fun.

Looking at the photo now I see that the blues are great. I can't claim to have seen that in the dim light of my smartphone display at the time; I was more taken by the fun of the painting and just took a 'snap'.

Wonderful views along the coastline were enjoyed by us both. However, I was aware of 'the voice in my head' chirping away with its comments on the view and thoughts about things going on in my little world... I am not sure if it was like that as child or not, I think it probably was. Talking with my friend the conversation came around somehow to things I say, or rather don't say. It seems that I don't always fill in or speak out all the words people need to hear. DC often points this out to me. I think I may have thought I've said something or assumed that people will recall what was said a bit ago and just speak out the thought that I want to share. Apparently it can seem like coming in 'in the middle of a conversation'. What is going on here? I must be assuming people are more connected to what is in my head than they are. In some way do I feel that I know what is going on in their heads and assume they can see me as clearly? Or, am I just off in my own world? I asked my friend, 'can you work out what I am talking about when this happens?' And yes he can 'it just takes a bit of thinking back to what has been said recently'. I find this interesting. Somehow I am not always quite where people expect me to be or they are not quite where I am expecting... This all makes me wonder about 'being in the moment'. Who's moment? We can go around all this for quite a time or just enjoy the view.

In the moment

Spring has been well and truly springing up here in Northeast Scotland. Fresh vibrant young leaves have burst out and contrasted beautifully with clear blue skies. Over this past week they have started to darken to a deeper green and everywhere plants are in flower as we move in to summer.

I have found myself thinking 'oh it's so lovely out, I should be making more of it'. Yet I have been enjoying it even when just glancing out the window or door or driving or walking from place to place... funny this wanting to soak it all up as it is so short lived. Then there is the thinking how lovely it is; the adding of words and stories to what is in awareness. Direct experience of what is without the apparent separation is one of those 'spiritual goals' to which people sometimes aspire. I guess having the 'goal' is part of the problem; it's always out there somewhere in the future. And, like 'I should be...' is part of thinking or feeling that things (by which I mean ones experience) are not ok as they are. Or should that be things as it [sic] is. They are after all all one. Language games.

On a personal level I've been slightly irritated by poor standards in others work and in the style of this community people have pointed to the psychological mirrors. However, sometimes it is possible to be irritated not out of projection but just because what one is looking at is not acceptable. And not just not acceptable to me... So,  what has all this been about? Well in truth a button of mine has been pressed. And it is the one marked 'others seem to be living in a fool's paradise'. Umm, deep water that one. Just working with our stuff and being open to what is; it is all in the moment...